Sometimes in this job you have to tell a patient that they will not survive an illness.
It is hard to do, and takes a lot of self-honesty to propose this. Many physicians will avoid it, and treat the dying patient up until the last with treatments that neither improve their disease nor ease their life.
I have greatly enjoyed my career as a doctor. It may be time to let it pass.
It is no longer viable, no matter what I might wish.
I have begun to strike the MD off my resume, and send some targeted applications to other types of jobs. It’s not about the money – it never was. I’ve been a doctor for thousands of dollars a week, and less than a thousand dollars a month. That’s not a big factor for me.
I have begun this Memorial Day weekend to come to terms with the passage of this period of my life. People go through many changes in their life; divorces, deaths, fleeing their homeland from hostile dictatorships. In this light, letting a profession pass is merely wistful.
I will never wear whites again. No matter what happens; they are now a sign of identity. I do not believe in the identity any more. I do not feel like a doctor, although I will keep the license. I feel more like an electrician than a doctor.
Nor will I wear a stethoscope. That is a badge too. Nor go by Doctor, except where patient care is concerned. Sie sagten einmal, “Kauf’ nicht bei Juden.“
And then they were quiet for a while..